The annoying things an asshole does.

  Today we ask an asshole what they do to annoy people.

Asshole: Usually to annoy people I do the following-
I'm going to ask you a question while you are relaxing on the couch and you're going to have to answer it or I'll get angry!
I'm going to rob your Christmas holiday of a Christmas tree because I don't believe in the holidays because of my poor upbringing.
I'm going to ask you to put all your Legos into a plastic bag even though you can't repair some if they get broken!!! Then I am going to smash your nose in if you try to fight and run away even when crap like this should not be happening on a Thanksgiving Holiday.
Next-ly, I'm going to make it hell for you to do things that you enjoy to do.
Then after that I'm going to make you reveal personal stuff you don't want to explain to me and then make it seem like crap.
Next I am going to attack you on the Thanksgiving Holiday about things I think you need to do, when you haven't eaten anything, try to kick you out of the house by hitting you with a belt and if you punch me because of this I am not going to fight, I am going to "restrain" you and make it seem like I'm the good guy to my ass of a wife that I call bad names all the time.
I'm going to call your mother, a mother fucker, a bigot, a cunt, a bitch, an ass, a jackass, a fool, a lie, a liar and most of all fat.
Then when you are sick from my constant fucking with you, actually physically sick, I will annoy you saying “it’s your fault you are sick and unhappy and depressed" and act like you have control over the illness.
I am going to use God to weaken you, I am going to use God to make it seem like there is a devil inside you when there is none. I'm just going to pray to God when I need help and no other time nor go to church for that matter. I'll be a hypocrite!
I am going to say American food is bad and Guyanese food is better! And then like some well mannered rodent-monkey I am going to piece off the American food and then be a mother fucking bitch about it!!!!
Next-ly I am going to act like I know everything and act like I have some knowledge and know how the Universe works because everyone can get an A in Calculus, everyone can be cured from AIDS and Cancer and natural born talent or destiny does not exist!
I am going to not believe in real history just some false or snippet history black bitches have compiled to make their black bitch selves feel better- I'm not going to believe that Africans sold other Africans into slavery and black people are better off in America and other places than were they to stay in Africa!
 I am going to be the God of my house; I am going to try to control everybody in my house like I'm some king.
I am going to steal from my children things they have bought with their own money and think it is not wrong.
I am going to want my children to get out of  the house they live in me because no one wants  to live at all with an asshole and his idiot wife who can't spell some basic words and is a elementary grade school teacher! I am an ASSHOLE yeah!

Sick Phantom- You remind me so much of my father. Like almost all the things you said reminded me of him and his annoying mother fucking actions.

The interview got cut short because somebody drove by and shot at my living room and killed the asshole.